So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
NoShamevember. You game?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize