Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
