I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Is it penis luge time yet?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
