Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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