I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
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