this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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