Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
