Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I want to fling myself into the sun
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
