duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Randomize
