Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
