Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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