Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
This toilet bowl is my home.
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