good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
