We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
