This girl is more easily done than said...
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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