I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
