I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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