East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
