Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
