They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
