I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
