Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Randomize
