So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
