if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
