Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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