Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
