I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
And the cops told us we were all naked.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I smell like Dick and happiness
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
