You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
