According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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