you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
