They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
