Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
