i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
