I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
He passed out mid-signature
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
