she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
