Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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