: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
