I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
