Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
