too bad you live with your parents still
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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