dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I'm gonna fight the coyote
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
