she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
