Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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