get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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