his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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