i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
You made out with two different species that night
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
