we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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