i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
