he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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