i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
