didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
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