Your tits are I can't wait for
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
