I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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