Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize