hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
