I love black thongs
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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