3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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