yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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