nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
