My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
