Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
