You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
