Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
