How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
