i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
