The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
