Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
My vagina just clenched in fear
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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