I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Me too!
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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