i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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