do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
