I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
